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Monthly Archives: May 2002

well, my roommate and I are all but totally moved out of our old place. one of the few things remaining is his computer, which brings you this. sheesh, it’s weird to see the place empty out…

I may not be able to update much for couple weeks as I am moving to a place without ethernet, and my computer is old as sin and sucks real bad. and I don’t think the network’s up in architecture…

so until I can update again, see y’all…

I thought I was done for the night, but one thing led to another, and thus I have two things to say…

1. there were two crickets outside my apartment building chirping at ever-so-slightly different tempos, so the sound of this beautiful cacophony, with every 20th or so beat lining up, and the rest being freefall kept me up for a few minutes, so I decided to do a little reading.

2. for reasons too many to go into here, I recommend everyone, even those not into the music, read the Michael Azerrad book “Our Band Could Be Your Life.” It’s a story of the absolutely most seminal indie bands of the 80’s, replacements, black flag, minor threat, mission of burma, husker du, sonic youth, et al.

I didn’t think it would be like this at all, but if I had to use one word to describe it, that word would be inspirational. the stories of the perseverance, courage, intelligence, and humanity of all these bands is a reason to want to be a better person.

ok, hope these words greet you in good spirits when you wake up, and now I am really going to bed to let the sound of psychotic crickets outside warp my alpha waves.

american steel’s last show was indeed may 18th, and is indeed not june 18th. I missed it. read the press release, and they as a group of four guys who play music are not breaking up, they are just putting an end to american steel.

ruairi and ryan told anne marie and me that they’d gotten sick of the name already a couple years ago… so if nothing else, this is their opportunity to jettison at least that.

what’s my life been like lately you wonder? I know you don’t, but glad you asked… er somethin’…

thursday: frivolity, including sushi and nerf herder (and for free)

today: back to business, class and all, with frivolity at my roommate’s new place following. can I just say that you should all rent the Wet Hot American Summer dvd and go to the menu that has commentary and look for some other special surprises…

tomorrow: moving, moving, moving. sleeping at the old casa on by USC until tuesday, but all of my “wonderful” worldly posessions will be living with five people in a loft in downtown until then when I make it an even six.

geez, two years of my life sunk into this rathole, and two years of dirt tracked in, as well… I’ll definitely miss living with mark, sitting around watching bad HBO movies and football games (we’ll probably do that at his new place, but it sorta won’t be the same…) best damn roommate a guy could want. okay, moving to be done, going to beddddddd…….

“Doom lies next to ambiguity, west of ennui”

“No, the Abyss is east of ennui and across from indifference.”

regarding the events of the last two weeks, whose retrocussions extend back to about the beginning of last month.

After so long of cheating it by so little, I finally know failure.

everybody sing along with the chorus:

I never want to feel like this again.
I never want to fucking feel like this again.

Although I feel pretty much okay with it, I guess, I think my life is worse now than it has ever been before.

I have to take summer studio, I’ve been broke for two weeks, thus I owe all of my friends lots of money, the end of the semester was a fucking fiasco, and worse it was my fault, I haven’t dated anyone since this time last summer, I have to start packing to move, but I also need to get a job, I have no motivation, I snore like a drunk rhinoceros and can’t get a decent nights sleep, all but a few of the people who made LA bearable are gone for the summer, or for good, and last time I checked, two that haven’t left aren’t getting along very well, I can’t go to parties because I despise most of the people I know, any girl I have even the most vague feelings for is completely out of reach, geographically or league-wise, I’m fucking bitter,alone and in shock.

I guess I’ll say it for once in my 22 years. and this will be the first and last time I say this seriously, at least I hope.

I hate my life. I really do.

And this isn’t teen angst, I’m way beyond that. back then it just made me a hooligan. now I sit at home, and plot more ways to fuck up everything in my life.

drove dave and his stuff back up to san francisco. we’ll miss you alot, dave. Hang out with mark as much as possible, and hopefully we’ll see you back down here really, really soon. Miss you too, mark. get yer ass back down here.

I wanted to throw a literary quote in here, but I couldn’t think of a passage that fit my mood, so just hang that head, look a little down and to the left like I’m being deep and poignant; maybe let a tear roll or close your eyes and give me a 21 bic salute because this is real, and this is now and I know sometime it’s gonna hurt, and sometimes you’re gonna feel like a god. you were wishing for simple happiness, but life won’t let you off that easy. how do I know? ’cause I’ve seen it all before and I know who gets hurt and what gets broken and I could tell you how it turns out, but what’d be the fun in that. so just lay it low and drag it slow, and make it mean something tonight.

well, everything may have gone to hell, but at least it’s over. for now. so here I am, broke, hungry and failed; let the rebuilding begin. God, I gave it every ounce of myself until the bitter, bitter end, and it still came to naught. it was the best semester ever, though. I liked my project more, I challenged myself more, and I got better results than ever before. so now that I’ve laid the groundwork, from now on I shall do whatever it takes to make victory mine. and expect more updates once the summer semester starts. okay, gotta go clean: myself, my clothing, and my trashed ass apartment.

I’ve got bruises on the inside of both ankles from bouncing them off the uprights of chairs when I use the computer. crazy.