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I was gonna give some polemic about dumb rural Indiana drivers, and about how they’re always tailgating me late at night with their brights on when I’m doing 35 mph on my way home because every inch of the route is crawling with deer, and I’ve already hit or been hit by them twice in my years of driving out here, and barely avoided them and caused my car to need a premature brake job more times than I could count and because of these experiences my feelings for seeing the majestic white-tail in my headlights (something that happens at least once on every trip I make along that route after midnight) fall somewhere between mortal fear and boxer-soiling ecstasy, and how I see the blood on the road due to some fool in a white mid-eighties trailer park Trans Am doing what had to be seventy (judging by the dragged out splatter of deer blood and the badly mangled doe-corpse lying by the side of the road fifty or sixty feet from the start of the pool of blood) implying that the inbred yokel had to have been doing at least the aforementioned speed for the dumb animal to have been thrown that far at least three times a week, and how this really weirds me out and I can’t stand doing the kind of speeds that they wanna do, so I’m forced to pull off and let the asshole with the brights on pass me (when passing, no matter how far ahead I signal the turn, they almost rearend me, anyway) and go on his/her merry way to pick up the next shipment of biker crank for toothless joe down at the redneck bar, and it really pisses me off until I see them drunkenly conversing with the police officer and gazing with muted horror at the deer corpse and the corresponding damage done to their (certainly uninsured) car and I wonder how long it takes them living in a festering semi-rural community to realize that they really shouldn’t do that shit and they’re lucky that they were on their way there (and not back) lest the K-9 officer filing the report’s dog sniffed out the contraband and got them a free vacation at taxpayer expense in the Dearborn Co. jail; but I don’t think I have the energy to tell that story right now, so I’ll just leave it at these simple and well organized thoughts…

thanks for listening

and remember,

asleep in warm soft bed – GOOD
conversation with crew cut sporting officer of the law over the still warm remains of one of Indiana’s most majestic nuisances – BAD

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